How to Survive A Zombie Apocalypse in Montana
Think about how wild the last couple years have been. We saw the pandemic, natural disasters and Nick Cannon have like, eighty-something kids. At this point, it wouldn't surprise me if there was a zombie apocalypse just around the corner. I mean, I don't think it'll happen, but I didn't think Will Smith would get all slappy at the Oscars—and THAT happened, so who's to say? Enough jibber jabber, you came here for zombie survival tips and that's what you'll get.
Assemble Your Crew
Montanans are quite fond of solitude but in this scenario, it's best to take a more social approach. You'll want people with you to keep watch at night, to chat with and to help in general. Oh, and if your significant other is with you, you'll get that sweet, sweet apocalypse nookie. So incredible that it's almost worth the destruction of civilization as we know it.
Don't Fight The Zombies
I know we all like to imagine ourselves as action heroes but let's face it, you're probably more of a Jamie Kennedy than a Leon Kennedy (Resident Evil, for the normies). With that in mind, you're better off avoiding zombies than fighting them. But if you're one of those Montana-cowboy types, disregard this paragraph. Also, say "yee haw" just for me.
Where To Go
This is where Montanans have the advantage over the rest of the country. We've got dense forests, flowing rivers and tall mountains, all of which will come in handy when those brain eaters start eating brains. You'll want to be at least 60 miles away from Billings, Missoula and Bozeman... unless you're a phone scammer. In that case, I hope you stroll downtown wearing a meat dress like Lady Gaga.
I won't tell Montanans how to camp, that's like telling Olivia Rodrigo how to write bitter songs about her ex. Just make sure to do a Scheels run before it all goes down, because when it does, you'll want all the gear you can get. You bring the tent, the sleeping bags and the cooking utensils, I'll bring the beer.