12 Wonders I’ve Had During Self Quarantine
Even working full time, I find that I have a ton of time to lay on my couch and wonder about stuff that I typically do not have time to ponder in non-isolation times.
1. Would Darwin be a better person/fish if Gumball would stop influencing him in irresponsible ways? (Answer: yes)
2. Does the cat wonder why we never leave to go to work/school?
3. After a year of spin class, I wonder how fast I can hike to the 'M' without stopping. (Answer: 18 minutes)
4. Do pancakes have any nutritional value? (Answer: about 8 grams of protein but waaaay too much salt & sugar.)
5. Did Joe actually kill Carole's husband? (We all know, now, who killed Carole's husband.)
6. When is Sojaboy going to kick Lisa's ass to the curb? (Poor Sojaboy)
7. When will we see our next concert and will it be in 2020?
8. Why is Dave Grohl quarantined in Hawaii and not Encino?
9. Why didn't John Finlay spend money to fix his teeth before getting a cover up of his "PRIVATELY OWNED BY JOE EXOTIC" tattoo? (Answer: turns out, he fixed his teeth right after the shitty cover up of his most infamous tat, see his new smile here.)
10. What happened to that one awesome quilt? (Answer: still didn't find it.)
11. What happened to the My Strange Addiction lady who couldn't stop eating toilet paper, and is she starving during the pandemic hoarding?
12. Has my rattail grown out enough to actually look like a rattail? (Answer: it's a rattail, alright.)