SantaCon Comes Back to Missoula Right Before Christmas

SantaCon is coming to town!

It's the annual nationwide bar crawl where participants dress in their best Santa costume and wander around town getting drunk. If that sounds like it's your thing, then you'll want to check this out.

This is the 14th year SantaCon is going down in Missoula, and it'll be happening on Saturday, December 21st. Here's all the info from their Facebook event page, including all the guidelines and rules you'll have to follow.

14th (Mostly) Annual Missoula Santacon!

We will start at...TBD! Ending at...TBD!
*All times subject to change depending on the flow of the beer*

Going out, having fun and drinking while dressed up as Santa or other Winter Characters all through the town of Missoula.

Singing twisted Christmas carols to the patrons of the bars! So grab your "sexiest" Christmas getup because SantaCon is hittin' up Missoula, Montana! Whether you're a Santa Claus, Mrs. Claus, elves or reindeer, bring your sexiness and join us on a bar crawl to spread Christmas cheer. There is no better reason to dress up in Santa suits then to run around town, sing songs, get drunk, have strangers sit on our laps, and having us decide who is naughty or nice.

Some Santa Guidelines:

1.) Stay on top of your bar tabs and pay for your drinks in a timely fashion. Other Santa’s get tired of waiting on Santa’s to clear their tab before being able to move on. This entire adventure should be CASH only if possible. Credit cards only take longer. And of course TIP the bartenders generously for putting up with us; we want to be able to do this again. Bribery gets you everywhere!

2.) No Santa’s left behind. Don’t go leaving one or two Santa’s in the process. Santa’s don’t like that. Pick a few people you know and keep an eye out for them when it’s time to move to the next location. If you don’t see them, speak up so everyone waits. Every Santa should have at least 2-3 other Santa’s they look out for and that look out for them. We don’t want to leave someone in the crapper and have them wandering around looking for us. Santa is safer in numbers. What one Santa couldn’t get away with without getting questioned, 50 can. Stick together Santa’s!

3.) Holiday apparel is mandatory!!! Dress the hell up! A Santa hat is not enough. Get a Santa suit. Buy a Santa suit. Make a Santa suit. Steal a Santa suit. If you don’t have any money, be creative. If you don’t have any creativity, slap yourself three times and ask your mom to help you. You don’t have to dress as Santa proper. That’s BORING! Variations of Santa-ness are deeply appreciated, both by those we bring joy to – as well as the other Santas! Glue cotton balls to red long johns. Make it purple. Make it pink. Make it plaid. Some examples from other places: Santa Claws, Santa Garcia, Santa’s naughty little helper, misfit toy, elf, grinch, angel, Jesus, snowman, nutcracker, reindeer. Hell, other locations have even had a chicken, a panda, a bunny, and a gay french monkey, so we’re pretty flexible here. Variants of elves or reindeer or what-have-you are fine as well! Already have a Santa suit? Bring spare parts for the Santafication of strangers.

4.) Please realize that this indeed is an event to have a hell of a lot of fun, and of course, with the assistance of liquor. It’s not, however, an event to get trashed to the point that Santa’s end up insulting, fighting, degrading, or being an all around asshole to people that run the places that we visit – or to the regular patrons that are there. Remember, we’re LUCKY that they let THIS many jackasses into their places of business – and we’d like to keep coming back. Also, there is no “bail fund” for incarcerated Santa(s) – so you’ll be on your own with that.

5.) Santa’s that drink should make sure that they are also Santa’s that can drive home, or make arrangements so that they don’t need to. This is a no-brainer, but alas, I feel it needs to be said. Santa doesn’t want any casualties. We need as many soldiers for “return tours”, so to speak. With mass transit being what it is in Missoula (some of it free!) we suggest making use of this fine opportunity to get to know your local Free Ride drivers. If you don't plan on taking advantage of this accommodation, we strongly suggest bringing a designated driver and of course carpooling as much as possible. The more Santas in each vehicle, the fewer individuals need to remain dry.

6.) Twisting the holiday paradigm until it screams for mercy is fun! Getting arrested is not. Santa Claus is friendly, respectful, and cooperative with cops, security guards, park rangers, secret service agents, and store owners and doesn’t break any laws!!! “Disorderly Conduct” is not a city in China. Have your own special twisted fun, but DON’T SCREW IT UP FOR THE REST OF US. Our Santas do not destroy property, steal merchandise, or do harm to others. The authorities and local businesses usually take Santa’s antics in the loving holiday spirit Santa intends, so be nice to them.

7.) Please pay for your drinks as soon as you get them. Santas get tired of waiting on other santas to clear their tab before being able to move on. This entire adventure should be CASH only. Yes this is a repeat rule, Santa is just trying to get the point across.

Memorize these answers to important questions that may arise:

Q. Who’s in charge?

A. “Santa”

Q. What organization are you with?

A. “Santa”

Q. What are you protesting?

A. “Crappy holiday parties”

Q. How did you get here?

A. “A sleigh and eight tiny reindeer”

Q. Where are you going next?

A. “Only Santa knows. I’m only allowed to tell you if you wear this hat and buy me a drink.”

Any other question: “HO!” (best coupled with a slight pause and a stupid look on your face).