Montana Santa Beard Rules

The following includes information that could be sensitive to the young ones.

A friend and I were discussing the Santas of the world, you know, the ones who help real Santa by visiting with all the children who are willing to meet with them to discuss their Christmas lists. And she was saying that there is all kinds of drama among the Santas, especially on the subject of real beards versus fake beards. The real bearded Santas consider themselves superior to the fake bearded Santas. Which, by the way, they don't call "fake beards," in the business, they are referred to as "designer beards." Christmas is a 755 billion dollar industry, so it doesn't surprise me that it comes with some fierce Santa competition and rivalry.

A local Santa here in town, who prefers to be called Father Christmas, was telling me there are actually Montana laws about Santas, with one stating that our state does not tolerate designer beards, and that it's against the law to play Santa in a fake beard. I looked into it. It's not an actual state law, but it might as well be considering that businesses typically turn away designer beards in favor of real beards. You'd be hard pressed to find a Montana Santa with a designer beard at any respectable department store or mall in the Treasure State. And all of the 'people in the biz' I spoke with scoffed at the thought of being, or hiring a designer beard Santa.

My personal favorite Santa beard is Ed Asner's in the movie Elf. I don't know if it's designer or real, but I've always noticed that it's the absolute perfect shade of white. Santa Beard White should be a Crayola crayon. Do they have holiday edition crayons? Anyway, who cares if they are real or fake this year, in 2020 all of the Santa beards and kid faces are covered in masks.