Listen. You're an adult now so let's act like one. You can't go around ordering garbage water because it's colorful and you think it's loaded with booze. It's not, Chad.

Before I get into the "get off my lawn" rant here, I will preface that I was once 21, and yes I ordered some pretty disgusting and expensive shots and cocktails because I thought it was cool. Spoiler alert, pretty much anything with Jägermeister is not cool. It's a hangover that I wouldn't wish on the Kardashians.

School is back and that means a ton of students hitting up downtown. The nightlife scene in Missoula is literally night and day between Summer and Fall. Every year I see a ton of new faces that have freshly turned 21 and want to try just about everything. Listen, you don't have to, and you probably don't want to. Let me save you guys some money, prayers to the porcelain gods, and judgment from literally everyone (especially your bartender). Here are the most popular Missoula drinks to avoid, Brittany.

1. The Irish Trash Can: First, there is nothing Irish about this drink. It's a mix of garbage well liquor, blue curacao (which is basically sugar water), and a can of Red Bull crammed right on top of the steaming pile of landfill booze, which is where it gets its name. This drink is going to run you ten to fifteen dollars. YOU think you are getting a ton of alcohol and a Red Bull when in reality your bartender is going to short pour you because anyone drinking these is obviously trying to get smashed and has no self-respect, which in turn means when they do get hammered, they are going to be a problem.  This drink is the worst offender. Under no circumstances drink this, Connor.

2. Long Island Iced Tea: This drink comes in at a close second. Now, when made right, with decent spirits, and enjoyed responsibly, this cocktail would get a pass. But this is Missoula, and that just ain't happening, Ashleigh. This drink uses the same dumpster booze as the Trash Can, only they hit it with sour mix (again, more sugar water) and a dash of Cola. It tastes nothing like Ice Tea and you're going to be out another ten to fifteen bucks.

3. Jager Bomb:  Remember before I said that pretty much anything with Jägermeister isn't cool? Well, this drink is the worst culprit, Skylar. I don't know who had the great idea of adding diesel fuel to liquid violence, but they need to be kicked in the neck meat. Hard. This drink screams Jersey Shore, and shouldn't be ordered for anyone unless it's a prank.

4.  Fish Bowl: You cannot be drinking these. For real, Aiden? Where are your parents? I want to talk to them. This is sugar. Pure sugar with about 10% alcohol. Congratulations. You just paid $20 to get diabetes.


5. Mixed Shots: This includes but, but is not limited to: Lemon Drops, Kamikaze, Dead Nazi, Washington Apple, Duck Fart, Surfer On Acid, Red Headed Slut, Smurf Pee, Chuck Norris, Fireball, and The Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Ya, it might be a free birthday shot, but you are definitely going to pay for it.

Here is the 411 if you are going out and just getting your feet wet in the downtown Missoula scene, Jaxtyn. Drinks with simple ingredients and no colors or natural colors are an adult move. Vodka with soda, Gin with Tonic, etc.  It's ok to order the classics as well. A nice old-fashioned says a lot more about your maturity than a starburst shot.   Now that you have your list of "no-nos" when ordering drinks, please remember to be safe and responsible.  Go Griz.

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