We Used Some of Bill O’Reilly’s Favorite Bands to Bid Him Good Riddance

It’s been a rough day for Bill O’Reilly, who officially waved sayonara to his beloved Fox News today. We figured that maybe we’d send him a playlist of a few songs, culled from his favorite artists, to help ease the “transition.”

THE EAGLES, "ONE OF THESE NIGHTS"
Cool story.

THE EAGLES, "BEST OF MY LOVE"
Is this a song you dedicate to your wife? Vom.

CROSBY, STILLS, NASH & YOUNG, "TEACH YOUR CHILDREN"
"Teach your children well, their father’s Hell did slowly go by / And feed them on your dreams, the one they pick’s the one you’ll know by"

TOWER OF POWER, "AM I A FOOL?"
On this highlight from the seminal Bay Area R&B outfit’s 1978 effort, We Came to Play!, Michael Jeffries scolds a female addressee for putting him to the test, when he’s just trying to do his best. “It makes me kinda wonder,” he asks, “Am I a fool?” Undoubtedly, O’Reilly’s been asking himself the same thing. The short answer is, no, Bill, you’re not a fool; you’re a chauvinistic pig.

THE DOORS, "ALABAMA SONG"
“Oh, show me the way to the next whiskey bar. Oh, don’t ask why”

LUTHER VANDROSS, "IF ONLY FOR ONE NIGHT / CREEPIN'"
They’re technically two separate songs, but Vandross’ The Night I Fell In Love ballads “If Only for One Night” and “Creepin’” are typically combined into a singular track, and for good reason. Ostensibly, Vandross is speaking about the pain and desperation inherent in a doomed romance on the former track when he coos, “I must be crazy / Standin' in this place / But I’m feeling no disgrace / For asking / Let me hold you tight / Just for one night” — but interpret it through the lens of its admirer’s heinous actions, and it scans as a pitiful proposition, one that the speaker knows is wrong. If only Bill-O thought the same.

THE BEATLES, "HERE COMES THE SUN"
It’s been dark for a very, very, very long time.

HALL & OATES, "OUT OF TOUCH"
The title says it all, in more ways than one.

EARTH, WIND & FIRE, "MOMENT OF TRUTH"
Earth, Wind & Fire’s “Moment of Truth” is a cautionary, semi-apocalyptic tale about coming to one’s senses before the titular cataclysm. (“Better come down / There’s gonna be a fire.”) “Just like you, I’m a guilty one,” Maurice “Moe” White admits, “Thinkin’ bout nothing but having me some fun.” But he also acknowledges that, “We all got to do our part” to turn the tables, urging the listener to “smother it” and “come on down.” It’s a shame the late legend’s words fell on deaf ears.

BROOK BENTON, "RAINY NIGHT IN GEORGIA"
You’ve admitted that this is your favorite song of all time. In light of recent events, take a good hard look at the lyrics and think about if they resonate anymore.

Hoverin’ by my suitcase
Tryin’ to find a warm place to spend the night
A heavy rain a-fallin’
Seems I hear your voice callin’
“It’s all right”

How many times I’ve wondered
It still comes out the same
No matter how you look at it, think of it
You just got to do your own thing

THE ROLLING STONES, "SYMPATHY FOR THE DEVIL"
Considering your affiliation with Fox News, you’d think this was about them. But considering the headlines today, we think this is about you.

THE ROLLING STONES, "YOU CAN'T ALWAYS GET WHAT YOU WANT"
Is this true? Kind of feels like the people did.

BONUS TRACK: THE DIPLOMATS, "DIPSET ANTHEM (FT. CAM'RON, JUELZ SANTANA)"
Let’s be real, though: it wasn’t ALWAYS bad. In fact, I’d venture to say that this Cam’ron video was one of your highlights of all time. So, in honor of your last days, here’s one from the boys. U mad?

On a more serious note, though, this piece is intended to bid “good riddance” to O’Reilly by way of humor and irony, there is nothing funny about sexual harassment and gender-based discrimination in the workplace. This chauvinistic pig was brought down because women rose up and struck out against the systems of power that frequently endanger women in the workplace. If you or someone you know is in a similar position — or if you just want to take action against this sickening (and sadly, prevalent) problem — check out this list of resources, hotlines and organizations devoted to fighting gender-based discrimination, courtesy of the Feminist Majority Foundation.